I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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