Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
