He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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