you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
