loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
