i barfeds in our rink
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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