At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize