Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
