Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
