getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
