Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
