Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
