Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
