I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
