Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
