and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
