no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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