he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
