I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
