Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
