he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
