I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
