my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
