i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
