if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
