College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
