i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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