guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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