It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
