So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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