3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i think i have two assholes
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
