Will you blow on my dice?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
