He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
