Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
