if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
