Duck Duck Cougar?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Did I show you my penis last night?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
