i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
