how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Randomize
