Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
