Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
