I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
