I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
