just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
