I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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