I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
