I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
