you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize