He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
