So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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