You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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