she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
