Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
