I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
