I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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