I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
