if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The cops high fived after they tackled you
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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