He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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