I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
