Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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