don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My penis needs a shock collar
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize