Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
