You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
