D3 body, D1 cock
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
