Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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