cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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